it's time to grow up

I was in sorrow see you suffering
And I suffered, too, seeing you dying

What if I had stayed
What if I had got married
And provided you grandkids

Maybe you would still be
On the couch beside me

I was holding your hand until you breathed
but then Christ took your hand from mine
and he accompanied you where you are now

I am strong, or at least I try to be
I manage to organize what need to be
but let me jump in the car after the doc
and I start crying without a lock

You told me I shouldn't cry
that I should be strong
But I never listened to
Well, not on this note

I let those out
And then they pass
So that I can start to smile
But I wish you were here on my side

I have been missing you already this month...
A picture told me: miss someone, call
But I couldn't and will never be able to call
You again, never again...

It hurts me so much that I cannot call you
Never again on my morning stroll
I can never discuss what happened or how I feel
Neither will you be there when I wed
Nor help me raise my first child...

I am alone.
well, never really.
God is there always besides me.
He is my peace,
He is my strength.
He brings me back to my harmony.

I am alone.
I need someone besides me.
Who loves me and comforts me.
There are many I love and who love me.
But I need someone at my side,
To just hug me and say "it will be fine..."
Even when I know that it is a lie...

It's time to grow up.
It's time to accept.
It was a hard lesson.
and I thank you for that.
This is the time to become adult
As my mother is gone
and will never be back.

But I carry you within me
You became a part of me
and you will always be