reflections on soulmates

When I was a child i deeply believed that somewhere my soulmate does exist. No one really understood me, my depth was covered and suppressed for long as those around me just did not understand me, didn’t grasp my being. It was a kinda relief for me to believe that somewhere on this globe a soul exists very similar to mine, who would understand me without words, who thinks the same way and has the same dreams. I didn’t know it is called soulmate, i just had this strong belief that there is someone deeply connected to me, who does understand my entire being.

Then I grew older, and started to face the reality. I was happy if i met people who understood a fraction of my soul. I started to loose these dillusional ideas that my whole being could be understood by a single person, so I rather gathered friends who understood a part of me. And it already seemed to be a miracle that a part of me is understood. Having had this experience i decided not to believe in fairy tales anymore. I accepted that i just need to stick to what comes into my life. If there is a sorta mutual understanding about life, and not just superficial similarities, thats already a good enough omen for a relationship - i thought.

When i have long given up the search (which was not a real search as i avoided relationships for a long while), I met my soulmate. Or at least this is how I feel, what I started to believe in. I might be mistaken, it might be only my mind putting this label on it, but there i definitely feel a deep connection and he’s really important to me. I can trust on him the deepest doubts i have and this feeling came from nowhere. He understands me on a deep level with amazing similarities in perspective, dreams, likes, past experience, etc.

So in order to figure out whether my inner was right or not (well, my inner never mislead me only my mind did), I started to read after the concept of soulmates. I wanted to gather some information, to understand what it is. So I share below the most interesting thoughts on this subject.

Whether it is a love relationship or a platonic friendship some connections feel deeper than others, like they have been there forever. You may feel it as if you "click" and other times it is like you've known one another your entire lives.

A soulmate is someone that you have encountered in many different lifetimes and have loved many times. That is why the first time you meet them in this lifetime you feel as if you have known them forever before you even knew their name. There is a mystical deja vue energy right from the start.

A soulmate is a person with whom you have an immediate connection the moment you meet -- a connection so strong that you are drawn to them in a way you have never experienced before. As this connection develops over time, you experience a love so deep, strong and complex, that you begin to doubt that you have ever truly loved anyone prior. Your soulmate understands and connects with you in every way and on every level, which brings a sense of peace, calmness and happiness when you are around them. And when you are not around them, you are all that much more aware of the harshness of life, and how bonding with another person in this way is the most significant and satisfying thing you will experience in your lifetime. You are also all that much aware of the beauty in life, because you have been given a great gift and will always be thankful.

There were some philosophies touching the concept of soulmates also. Plato claimed that humans originally had four arms, four legs, and a single head made of two faces, but Zeus feared their power and split them all in half, condemning them to spend their lives searching for the other half to complete them.
Similarly theosophy introduced the concept of androgynous souls – which included two parts; a feminin and a masculin. Later on these souls were split into genders and these split souls keep on looking for their „other halves”.

I don't like that they propose that people cannot be whole on their own. This concept is evil, that you can be whole only with another person. You have to be whole on your own. There is no guarantee you would find your soulmate in this lifetime and that you would live your entire lives together happily ever after. Thats absurd. You need to find yourself and be yourself! If you want to find your soulmate that is where you can start. and you may go look for your soulmate only then. When you are deeply involved in role-play, not even knowing who you really are, how could another person grasp your soul? How could you yourself find out who the other soul is behind the mascs, when you are busy playing the same old roles that you’ve been wearing over years? (and got used to wearing them so much that you dont even realize their existence...)

So you need to start by finding yourself. Give yourself. Be true to your own soul. If you give yourself then your chances are higher that your soulmate will realize you and you him.

If you're expecting your soulmate to be love at first sight, you might never find what you're looking for. First you may experience a deep friendship "only", that you are connected on a deep level, as you were not connected with anyone before. He understands you better than anyone ever did. Similarities are so obvious and sometimes even scary. You just don’t believe someone so similar to you can exist. Seems surreal. But it is still real.

A soulmate isn't always a lifemate. Your soulmate will color your world no matter how old you are when that reunion happens. Contrary to what popular media would have you believe, meeting your soulmate doesn't guarantee "happily ever after." Things won't get easier when you find that special someone and in fact, they might get even harder. Ultimately, a soulmate is someone you can grow with, and the only way to grow together is to face challenges together. So if you put your heart and soul into a relationship, stick with it through the ups and downs, even when you question whether it's meant to be, and you might look back decades later and realize that you were with your soulmate all along.

Even if you realized that you met your soulmate, you need to keep in mind that it doesn’t necessarily mean that you will spend the rest of your lives together. Just knowing that you met your soulmate already provides contentment, on a deep level. It doesn't need to materialize in form of a love relationship at all. and many times it just doesnt. People can be oblevient and busy playing their roles and just do not realize what they met.

So you should be prepared for disappointment. That you realized the strong connection between your souls, does not mean anything.
It may turn out to be a deep friendship, and not necessarily a long lasting one. It may even be a short acquantainance only, that you will never forget. He may be a master for you, but not the love of your life.
Maybe he just came into your life to support you in a tough period and to show you the feeling of agapé. And that is already a miracle. If nothing more comes out of the encounter, that was already worth meeting him.

In such cases it is really hard not to build expectations of an ever-lasting love relationship and mutual development and all you dreamt of. Just try to be in the present. Grasp what you get and do not think about what else could be. I know it is tough. That is what brought me disappointment also. The mind likes to put together cards and build high castles from all the various expectations that are not real. And when the first blow comes, the castle is completely destroyed. You think you were cheated. But it was only your own mind that generated disappointment for you. The foundation was real - the feeling of a deep connection – which does exist in the present. Whereas all the expectations are related to the future – thus illusion.

You may never know what the future brings. Just be content for what is now. Only to know that he does exist is enough. If you will ever meet him again, and if you do, what this relationship will bring, only time knows.

Just be in the present, enjoy the here and now. And always give yourself, no matter what. Let the universe sort things out for you. It will turn out the way it is best for all involved.

vagy szerelem vagy semmi

Igazából sohasem nyíltál meg egyetlen nő előtt sem. Túlságosan elfoglalt a manipuláció, az ügyeskedés, hogy viszonyt kezdhess velük, vagy ellenkezőleg, ha szexuális lehetőségként nem jöhetnek számításba, ne vegyél róluk tudomást. Mindannyian elakadtunk ott, hogy nincs teljes kapcsolatunk a másik nemmel... a nők a férfiak manipulálására használják a szexualitásukat, a férfiak meg a szex miatt manipulálják a nőket.

A legtöbb ember úgy fogja fel a másik nemmel való kapcsolatot, hogy az vagy szerelem vagy semmi. És nem léphetünk tovább a magasabb tudati szintre, amíg ez meg nem változik. Vissza kell térni a szeretetnek ahhoz az állapotához, amely tökéletesen meghaladja a nemiség bonyodalmait. Ennek az állapotnak a neve Agapé. Ez egy bizonyos fajta szeretetet jelent, azt amelyet a lélek érez minden teremtett dolog iránt, és különösképpen a más emberek iránt érzett, plátói szeretetet. Ha erre a szeretetre összpontosítjuk magunkat, akkor hatékonyan emelkedhetünk a legmagasabb lelki bölcsesség szintjére.

-- a 12. felismerés

accept-accept-accept!!!

One of my major defaults is impatience. I would like to get everything NOW!! But in life great things are not easy to get. It does not only take time, but you may need to make hard decisions. Sometimes you need to fight, give up certain things that are important for you. And you may go through tough times, filled with frustration and distraction. But in the end something great is waiting for you.

In the search for happiness it is essential that you enjoy the journey as well, and should not keep focus on the destination only. Thinking WHEN i get that position, I WILL BE HAPPY, WHEN I get in a beautiful relationship, I will be even happier. It just makes you suffer. Reality does not always follow your dreams. But it is your own choice if you want to be a victim in the given situation. Or would rather grasp the moment and suck everything out of it.

Yeah, we all try to control things. It's human nature. We are scared of death, therefore we try to build security around us. But we are only fooling ourselves. We are going to die anyways. And we will not get any information when that precious moment would come. We just need to accept that there are things out of our control. There is only one thing you can control. Your own mind.

Among my quotation selection I found a nice one from anonym sources: "When you find your path, you must not be afraid. You need to have sufficient courage to make mistakes. Disappointment, defeat and dispear are the tools God uses to show us the way."

I am walking on my path a while ago. And yes, i can confirm it does involve lots of suffering and disappointment. But I had to realize that all the disappointment is coming from my own expectations. I started to build up a nice picture in my head, created a path towards it, everything well planned. But eventually reality is not following that map!!! It sucks that things do not happen the way they should have. I had such a beautiful picture in my mind about my future, and those images are now falling apart.

With all these thoughts, I can suck myself down into a deep, black hole.
It is so easy to start thinking of yourself as a victim. But if you start thinking that way you can easily get into a down-roll spiral, that will never stop. It sucks!!!

Nowadays I don't let this down-roll spiral to culminate. Something clicks in my mind. And I can let go of this suffering by accepting WHAT IS. The power of acceptance is amazing. Of course you cannot force yourself to accept your present situation by simply wanting it. The insight can come in an unexpected moment, from within. And it brings you a freedom and opens up a whole different reality.

There were already several cases when reality did not follow the path i pictured in my head. But eventually the way things turned out was even better than how I imagined it. Therefore now I have a strong belief. Even though I'm suffering for a while because my expectations were not met, I can trust that there are even better things on the way for me. I believe. I trust. I know.

My dreams did not yet materialize, but I decided to rather accept who i am, where i am and what i do. Instead of suffering.

We have no other feasible option than to accept the current situation.
And prepare ourselves for the expected change.
Once we accept who we are and where we are, things start to change around us.
And once we are ready for that, the universe starts to manifest our dreams.
Until dreams become reality.

Don't forget one thing: You are bound for great things. And those are on the way for you. You just need to be patient. And accept the current situation.

the least and most u can do is to give urself

It's one of the biggest challenges in life to get in an intimate relationship with another human being.

There is a big contradiction: we all are looking for intimacy, but at the same time we are scared to death even from the thought of it.

Why is it so? Everyone tries to show a nice picture to all the people around, but we know that in the depth there is a shadow self whom we try to suppress, even from ourselves. We do not love and accept ourselves, thus we cannot even believe that another person could accept and love us.
"If he gets to know me, my real self, he would rather run away, he wouldnt like what he sees behind the masques i spent so much time to build up" - we may think - "he would run away, the same way as my father did..."

But we forget one thing. When you get closed to another person, you cannot keep the well-learnt roles for long. You may try to keep a nice colorful masque before your face to cover it, but it will last only for a short while. There will be times when you'll be too tired to keep that masque, and your spouse will see your real face.

If this happens after years, the other one may feel he was cheated. Of course. How would you feel? You've been together (or rather next to each other?) for years, and you recognize only then that you dont even know that person who is sitting next to you. How could that feel? Terrible for sure.

If you really respect your beloved one, the most you can do for him, is to show him who you really are, give completely yourself. From the very beginning. Instead of showing him a picture of a person who you would like to be. I know. It is hard, scary, sometimes even painful. But very rewarding.

I was afraid of such an intimate relationship. I was afraid of giving myself, as I didnt love myself. But then I experienced how it is to stand completely naked before the other person. And it was so great, that I don't want anything else any more. Once I accepted myself in my living existence, and was able to accept my shadow self also, I started to give myself in all my relationships. Without hesitation. Ok, doubts are always coming up, but even with a little hesitation I rather followed the inner voice, my real self. And gave all myself. And that is the least and most you can do...

If you are scared, you can even tell him that. And if you do so, you'll be surprised how deep your relationship can be. You get closer to each other due to the clear and pure communication, and then the two souls get in touch with each other and not two masques converse. That is a whole different universe that can open up for you.

Thoughts on love from 'By the river Piedra I sat down and wept' by Paulo Coelho

Love can consign us to hell or to paradise, but it always takes us somewhere. We simply have to accept it, because it is what nourishes our existence. If we reject it, we die of hunger, because we lack the courage to stretch out a hand and pluck the fruit from the branches of the tree of life. We have to take love where we find it, even if that means hours, days, weeks of disappointment and sadness.

I'd thought that I, as a mature woman, would be able to control the heart of the girl who had been looking for so long for her prince. I'd heard again the voice of the child I had been, of the princess who was fearful of loving and losing.
For long, I had tried to ignore my heart's voice, but it had grown louder and louder, and the Other had become desperate. In the furthest corner of my soul, my true self still existed, and I still believed in my dreams. Before the Other could say a word, I had accepted the ride with him. I had accepted the invitation to travel with him and to take the risks involved.
And because of that - because of that small part of me that had survived - love had finally found me, after it had looked for me everywhere. Love had found me, despite the barricade that the Other had built.
I opened the window and my heart. The sun flooded the room, and love inundated my soul.

For years, i had fought against my heart, because I was afraid of sadness, suffering, and abandonment. But now I knew that true love was above all that and that it be better to die than to fail to love.
I had thought that only others had the courage to love. But now I discovered that I too was capable of loving. Even if love meant leaving, or solitude, or sorrow, love was worth every penny of its price.

Wait. This was the first lesson I had learned about love. The day drags along, you make thousands of plans, you imagine every possible conversation, you promise to change your behavior in certain ways - and you feel more and more anxious until your loved one arrives. But by then, you don't know what to say. The hours of waiting have been transformed into tension, the tension has become fear, and the fear makes you embarrassed about showing affection.

The moment we begin to seek love, love begins to seek us.

Love doesn't need to be discussed; it has its own voice and speaks for itself.

I was no longer cold - I was consumed by heat, the heat of a spark becoming a flame, the flame becoming a bonfire, the bonfire becoming an inferno. I wanted this.
I also knew that from this moment on I was going to experience heaven and hell, joy and pain, dreams and hopelessness; that I would no longer be capable of containing the winds that blew from the hidden corners of my soul. I knew that from this moment on love would be my guide.

Thoughts on risk from 'By the river Piedra I sat down and wept' by Paulo Coelho

You have to overcome our fear. You have to take risks. WE will only understand the miracle of life fully when we allow the unexpected to happen.

Yes, we are going to suffer, we will have difficult times, and we will experience many disappointments - but all of this is transitory; it leaves no permanent mark. And one day we will look back with pride and faith at the journey we have taken.

Pitiful is the person who is afraid of taking risks. Perhaps this person will never be disappointed or disillusioned; perhaps she wont suffer the way people do when they have a dream to follow. But when that person looks back - and at some point everyone looks back - she will hear her heart saying, 'What have you done with the miracles that God planted in your days? What have you done with the talents God bestowed on you? You buried yourself in a cave because you were fearful of losing those talents. So this is your heritage: the certainty that YOU WASTED YOUR LIFE.'

Pitiful are the people who must realize this. Because when they are finally able to believe in miracles, their life's magic moments will have already passed them by.

It's better to lose some of the battles in the struggle for your dreams than to be defeated without ever even knowing what you're fighting for.

The universe always helps us fight for our dreams no matter how foolish they may be.

You have to take risks.