reflections on soulmates

When I was a child i deeply believed that somewhere my soulmate does exist. No one really understood me, my depth was covered and suppressed for long as those around me just did not understand me, didn’t grasp my being. It was a kinda relief for me to believe that somewhere on this globe a soul exists very similar to mine, who would understand me without words, who thinks the same way and has the same dreams. I didn’t know it is called soulmate, i just had this strong belief that there is someone deeply connected to me, who does understand my entire being.

Then I grew older, and started to face the reality. I was happy if i met people who understood a fraction of my soul. I started to loose these dillusional ideas that my whole being could be understood by a single person, so I rather gathered friends who understood a part of me. And it already seemed to be a miracle that a part of me is understood. Having had this experience i decided not to believe in fairy tales anymore. I accepted that i just need to stick to what comes into my life. If there is a sorta mutual understanding about life, and not just superficial similarities, thats already a good enough omen for a relationship - i thought.

When i have long given up the search (which was not a real search as i avoided relationships for a long while), I met my soulmate. Or at least this is how I feel, what I started to believe in. I might be mistaken, it might be only my mind putting this label on it, but there i definitely feel a deep connection and he’s really important to me. I can trust on him the deepest doubts i have and this feeling came from nowhere. He understands me on a deep level with amazing similarities in perspective, dreams, likes, past experience, etc.

So in order to figure out whether my inner was right or not (well, my inner never mislead me only my mind did), I started to read after the concept of soulmates. I wanted to gather some information, to understand what it is. So I share below the most interesting thoughts on this subject.

Whether it is a love relationship or a platonic friendship some connections feel deeper than others, like they have been there forever. You may feel it as if you "click" and other times it is like you've known one another your entire lives.

A soulmate is someone that you have encountered in many different lifetimes and have loved many times. That is why the first time you meet them in this lifetime you feel as if you have known them forever before you even knew their name. There is a mystical deja vue energy right from the start.

A soulmate is a person with whom you have an immediate connection the moment you meet -- a connection so strong that you are drawn to them in a way you have never experienced before. As this connection develops over time, you experience a love so deep, strong and complex, that you begin to doubt that you have ever truly loved anyone prior. Your soulmate understands and connects with you in every way and on every level, which brings a sense of peace, calmness and happiness when you are around them. And when you are not around them, you are all that much more aware of the harshness of life, and how bonding with another person in this way is the most significant and satisfying thing you will experience in your lifetime. You are also all that much aware of the beauty in life, because you have been given a great gift and will always be thankful.

There were some philosophies touching the concept of soulmates also. Plato claimed that humans originally had four arms, four legs, and a single head made of two faces, but Zeus feared their power and split them all in half, condemning them to spend their lives searching for the other half to complete them.
Similarly theosophy introduced the concept of androgynous souls – which included two parts; a feminin and a masculin. Later on these souls were split into genders and these split souls keep on looking for their „other halves”.

I don't like that they propose that people cannot be whole on their own. This concept is evil, that you can be whole only with another person. You have to be whole on your own. There is no guarantee you would find your soulmate in this lifetime and that you would live your entire lives together happily ever after. Thats absurd. You need to find yourself and be yourself! If you want to find your soulmate that is where you can start. and you may go look for your soulmate only then. When you are deeply involved in role-play, not even knowing who you really are, how could another person grasp your soul? How could you yourself find out who the other soul is behind the mascs, when you are busy playing the same old roles that you’ve been wearing over years? (and got used to wearing them so much that you dont even realize their existence...)

So you need to start by finding yourself. Give yourself. Be true to your own soul. If you give yourself then your chances are higher that your soulmate will realize you and you him.

If you're expecting your soulmate to be love at first sight, you might never find what you're looking for. First you may experience a deep friendship "only", that you are connected on a deep level, as you were not connected with anyone before. He understands you better than anyone ever did. Similarities are so obvious and sometimes even scary. You just don’t believe someone so similar to you can exist. Seems surreal. But it is still real.

A soulmate isn't always a lifemate. Your soulmate will color your world no matter how old you are when that reunion happens. Contrary to what popular media would have you believe, meeting your soulmate doesn't guarantee "happily ever after." Things won't get easier when you find that special someone and in fact, they might get even harder. Ultimately, a soulmate is someone you can grow with, and the only way to grow together is to face challenges together. So if you put your heart and soul into a relationship, stick with it through the ups and downs, even when you question whether it's meant to be, and you might look back decades later and realize that you were with your soulmate all along.

Even if you realized that you met your soulmate, you need to keep in mind that it doesn’t necessarily mean that you will spend the rest of your lives together. Just knowing that you met your soulmate already provides contentment, on a deep level. It doesn't need to materialize in form of a love relationship at all. and many times it just doesnt. People can be oblevient and busy playing their roles and just do not realize what they met.

So you should be prepared for disappointment. That you realized the strong connection between your souls, does not mean anything.
It may turn out to be a deep friendship, and not necessarily a long lasting one. It may even be a short acquantainance only, that you will never forget. He may be a master for you, but not the love of your life.
Maybe he just came into your life to support you in a tough period and to show you the feeling of agapé. And that is already a miracle. If nothing more comes out of the encounter, that was already worth meeting him.

In such cases it is really hard not to build expectations of an ever-lasting love relationship and mutual development and all you dreamt of. Just try to be in the present. Grasp what you get and do not think about what else could be. I know it is tough. That is what brought me disappointment also. The mind likes to put together cards and build high castles from all the various expectations that are not real. And when the first blow comes, the castle is completely destroyed. You think you were cheated. But it was only your own mind that generated disappointment for you. The foundation was real - the feeling of a deep connection – which does exist in the present. Whereas all the expectations are related to the future – thus illusion.

You may never know what the future brings. Just be content for what is now. Only to know that he does exist is enough. If you will ever meet him again, and if you do, what this relationship will bring, only time knows.

Just be in the present, enjoy the here and now. And always give yourself, no matter what. Let the universe sort things out for you. It will turn out the way it is best for all involved.