Régi képek nyomán

Anyukámból nem maradt más, csak a fényképek
Melyekből néhanapján emléket merítek
Szeméből sugárzott az élet, s a gondoskodó szeretet
Mi idővel a teljes közönynek adott teret

Pedig ő mindig élvezte az életet
Utazni nagyon szeretett
Csak apa mellett ritkán tehette meg
Talán ezt a vágyát élem én meg

Akiről tudott, gondoskodott
S mindenkit meghallgatott
Erről nekem jó példát mutatott
Feleségnek valóvá tanított

Állta az elnyomást
Magára ki sohasem állt
Gyerekként térdepelt a kukoricán
Majd (mint generációjában oly sokan) elnyomott feleséggé vált

Ancikám a társaságot mindig szerette
Cukrászda, Vacsora, mindezt élvezte
De apa őt kalitkába verte
Féltékenysége sehová se engedte

Munkában és otthon nyomta az igát
Míg az egészsége meg nem adta magát
Majd cseléd sorban állta a sarat
Diplomásként súrolta a falat

Míg mi otthon voltunk, volt miért
Még látta az élet értelmét
Amint öcsémmel kirepültünk
Szemében a láng kihűlt
Szépen-lassan a nyoma is eltűnt

Régi képein mintha magam látnám
Lelkiekben is hasonlítok rá ám
Hasonló sors várhat rám
De a tanulságot inkább levonnám
Hogy egy szép, boldog élet várjon rám

2015. március 22.

the power of the empty chair

In the last couple of weeks i heard of a psychodrama technique several times, and eventually managed to try it. I had an interesting experience, so I tend to talk about it basically to everyone. To spread the word, I decided to write about it also.

The technique is called the "empty chair", or at least the people I met with, referred to it like that. As i see, it is powerful in the process of letting go, whether it be after heartbreak, divorce or death of a beloved one.

It is really simple - ok, we learnt early on that the simplest things are the best and most effective. But still. 

Most people have unresolved issues with another person, whether it be parents, partners, children or colleagues. Of course i am not an exemption either. There are certain things that are deep inside me, and it would be best to share with a certain somebody, but for a reason or another i cannot. Or more precisely i don't want to share face to face. You may consider it a weakness. There might be fear involved in it, I accept. But i also note that there are certain thoughts and emotions that do not need to be shared with the other person. Those are all about myself, and i need to overcome those by myself, not necessarily involving the person those thoughts or emotions relate to. 

Well. Firstly, think of a person you would like to contact on an intimate level, but somehow it simply does not work - because of either parties, it doesn't really matter. You may have never expressed your anger towards your abusive mother, because it's something you cannot afford as you supposed to be a good girl, but it is still frustrating you after 20 years, and it's burning inside you, willing to exploit. So in your own sake, you should and now already want to express it. But on the other hand, you cannot talk with her, as your mother died long ago. Are you in the middle of divorce, and you simply cannot reach out to the person you shared your life with? He became deaf, and misunderstands every expression, and feels attacked by you even if you express your own feelings? 

Well, these are perfect situations when this technique can work. 

Setting is really basic. You take two chairs, in a distance that feels comfortable for you. You sit down in one of them. Opposite to you remains the empty chair. And you imagine the person you want to talk to, sitting in the other chair. You may ask a friend who reminds you of him on an energetic level, but it is not necessary. You may just keep this conversation for yourself, and you can talk to the empty chair.  

Your single task is to talk. As if the person would be sitting just opposite to you. You can tell anything that you want, anything that you cannot tell in person. You may start with your thoughts, and if you go into details you may reach the emotional level. If your tears start pouring, don't be surprised. Tell everything that is within you. If you feel there is nothing more, stay still in your place for a couple of minutes, there might be further thoughts coming. 

Once you finished, you may stand up and directly sit in the other chair, which was occupied by the imagined person, that you were talking to. And as if you were that person, start replying back to yourself. You may be surprised by the reply that is coming out of your own mouth. 

But even if you skip this part, your heart might feel released. 

Whenever you cannot really contact with your beloved ones, this technique might help you release your emotions, and maybe even understand the other person's perspective. Good luck with practicing. 

Extracts from David Deida's Dear lover

Again some thoughts from David Deida. Read for women only.

Extracts from the book Dear lover - a woman's guide to men, sex, and love's deepest bliss

You are alive as love, and your entire body yearns to open as love. Your heart wants nothing more than to live open as love, to give yourself totally as love - and to be seen as the love that you are.
The secret to unfolding your heart's deepest bliss is to give and receive love fully, with or without a man.
And it is this disposition of openhearted radiance that will gift the world as well as attract and keep a man capable of actually meeting your heart's deepest desire.

You are love. Your love shines as light, so you want to be seen.

A man who could be fully present with you - a man whose consciousness was deep and clear because he was living his true purpose and his passionate heart was unencumbered by fear and ambiguity - such a man wants equally unambiguous surrender offered through your yearning body and heart. He wants your love offered as an open invitation with full energy through your entire body. Your man wants to see love shining in your face. You want your man to truly see you, deeply feel you and know you, utterly.

When a man feels you, he feels your shells. In your face, he sees the strain of long hours or years of holding your life together while your deepest heart would rather have surrendered open in ecstatic trust. In your gait, he feels the stress of un-offered bodily devotion, while your deep heart would rather have been a slave to love, commanded open by love's torrential flow, undulated by love's boundless pleasure. Around your heart, he senses the "do not trespass" warning, and so he holds himself back from entering your life deeply.

Few men are capable of entering a woman's heart and opening her body to God's bliss, but few women are capable of offering their heart and body to be claimed open in this way.

Fear - the refusal to open as love - is the only reason your sexual life and relationship are less than God-blissful.

Most men can't meet you fully. So, though your heart and body yearn to be ravished by real love, you bury your heart's longing under a life of busyness, family, friends, and distractions.
Just as you have chosen to guard your heart for fear of being hurt, the man you attract will have chosen to claim life more shallowly than his true depth.
Your relationship won't work because his freedom is false and your love is hidden; you are both afraid.
A commitment to love requires opening beyond these fears.
You can practice keeping your heart open for the sake of love's fullness, even when your man hurts you, even when you are alone, even when the pain and yearning in your heart feel overwhelming.
To live with an open heart and body moved by love is your only option if you want to fulfill your deepest desire - to receive and give love's most full bliss - with or without a man.

Love is the only way to live that won't leave your feminine heart feeling unseen, ungiven, empty, and wanting - no matter how successful your professional life may be.

When a man feels you, he no longer feels your deep gifts of love, but your shells. He feels your desire for independence and your desire to be wanted. He feels your push and your pull. He feels moments when your heart surrenders to be taken, and moments when your protection shields your heart from being hurt. He is probably as confused about his deepest purpose as you are about your deepest desire for love. SO, instead of persisting in committed loving, peeling away layer after layer of your resistance, lovingly claiming your true sexual essence so you can offer your open heart as a divine gift - instead, he casually enjoys what he can and moves on to a less complicated woman; you appear to be quite attached to your independence, anyway.

As successful as you may be in your life, you long to merge with a man who can take you open beyond your shells by his deep and authentic claim, his gentle but persistent command - the dangerous demand of a man who will not settle for anything less than your total heart-giving.

If you are offering your heart's deepest yearning, then you will attract and inspire a man's deepest presence, right now.

Even though your man may truly love you and want to spend his life with you, he can often find your emotional flow meaningless and taxing, since your ever-changing energy is so foreign to the freedom of release he seeks: the "final" or changeless consciousness and peace that feels most "home" to his masculine essence.
He may be afraid to commit to you because he fears losing "other options", even if he loves you. He may pull back after especially deep lovemaking because he is afraid of losing his freedom to the bond that deeper loving may imply to him.

Whether you are with a man or not, you can open and offer the attractive power of your feminine sexual energy from your deepest heart for the sake of all beings - and by doing so, you will attract a deep man into your life.
Offering your deepest yearning and love is an art that will attract and inspire your man's deepest presence, even when you feel tired or not in the mood.

You can live open as love's art, moving in every aspect of life as a reflection of the sacred. Offer your feminine sexual energy through your deepest heart's yearning. The radiance of your deep heart's yearning is the beacon that attracts men of integrity. Not your neediness. Not your independence.
Throughout your life, continue to intuit and offer your heart's deepest longing.

As much as you may genuinely enjoy guiding your own life professionally, artistically, or politically, your feminine essence yearns to surrender as all love rather than maintain control and make all the decisions spiritually and sexually.

Choosing and staying with a man is like choosing to get on a train. You will end up going where your man goes, spiritually and sexually, or you will have to get off his train.
You want a man who feels you, listens to you, considers everything you have said, and then claims you, taking you to where you couldn't tell him to take you, even if you tried. He takes your heart to new depths of adventure and openness, and he shows you new aspects of life.

You don't want a man who adapts his direction to where you say you want to go. What good is he then?

A deep man of integrity takes your heart into his heart as he navigates, fine-tuning his actions while feeling your heart's response, always valuing your feedback. But his navigation is not relinquished or weakened by your feedback or anyone's.

Practice feeling your heart and opening your body, breath, and emotions so that love can express through you, unimpeded by your accumulated shells of fear-imposed masculine self-control.

Love your shells when your fear clamps tight, and then express your deepest yearning to your man. If you want a man whose train you trust to take you where you want to go - and beyond - then you can inspire his train with your depth of love's yearning and fine-tune his direction with your heart's intuition and your fullest expression of love's spontaneously offered energy.
You will attract and keep a man who can maintain his integrity with the same consistency that you can offer your dance through love-softened shells without collapse or frustration. And this isn't easy, for either of you.
If you want a man who can offer his deepest consciousness and create a sacred relationship with you - perhaps while also providing security, family and vacations - then feel, trust, and offer your heart's deepest yearning. Then, your love's most divine longing and deepest wisdom will choose the man you truly value and inspire. Your relationship will reflect your heart's most sacred light.

With practice you can learn to offer your pleasure, pain, and emotions spontaneously and responsively as soon as they occur, letting go of them instantly, always with your heart open and connecting with your lover's heart, even as your pleasure, pain, and emotions flow.
You can learn to stay open while all of your emotions flow. Even when anger is flowing, you can learn to remain in eye contact with your lover.
All emotions can and do flow when your heart is open and connected with your lover's heart.
Express your deepest heart immediately and spontaneously through your open and relaxed body, before suppressing it and allowing a secondary emotion to build up inside.

Learn to trust and value your heart's deep sensitivity. Fully express to your man how you feel as your lives proceed together, moment by moment.

As you grow, you will find fewer men and women who understand you, and fewer potential lovers who you can trust fully.
Your deep heart yearns to be seen and known and loved so fully that your yearning unfolds wide as God and divine love opens boundlessly through you and the hearts of all beings.

At some point during your workday, you notice that you have become stressed. Your head is tight, your jaw tense, your breath shallow. You have spent the day making major decisions for your business, leading meetings, and catching up on your to-do list. Somewhere along the line, you lost connection with your heart. You began operating on automatic pilot as a masculine machine of purpose. You accomplished a lot, but your body and heart now feel tight and blocked.
You stand still for a moment and relax. Every few hours during the workday you do a similar exercise. Sometimes you open your heart and body more subtly during a meeting or while sitting in front of the computer. You know that however important your business is, if you lose touch with your heart's deepest yearning and your body's openness, then you are training your body to be unfeeling and tense. You are disconnecting from what is most important to you: love.
You know that success is only worth achieving if love also flows fully in your heart, your body, and your life.
Over time, you actually learn to breathe all beings in and out of your heart and dance love through your entire body during your day at work.
This process can take years to cultivate artfully, but soon you notice other people treating you differently. Men and women are very attracted to your openness and radiance, but also very respectful of your depth. As you value your own deepest heart's yearning and breathe the hearts of all others, you attract honor, respect, and even worship from everyone.

A 3rd stage man worships the depth of your devotional yearning and the fullness of your feminine love-light. He knows that all things, including your body and mind, are transient, passing, and brief. This entire world is always changing, and so he is rooted in deep consciousness, that which never changes.
He can feel if you are needy of men's attention. If you are playing games. If you are acting independent on the outside but full of lonely fear in your heart. His body may enjoy looking at yours and his mind may appreciate your intelligence, but that is not enough to move his heart in worship. His heart, his depth, his consciousness, worships feminine devotional openness - a woman who loves to be claimed by God's ravishment, a woman confident in her light's attractiveness, a woman who offers herself as a radian blessing through which consciousness can worship and be worshipped.

Are your body and mind transparent to your heart's radiance and devotional yearning, showering the room with your gifts of blessing? Or are you afraid, self-conscious, or so wounded and confused that you have lost touch to some degree with your own heart's deepest desire and gifts?

If you were single and available for a relationship, the 3rd stage men int eh restaurant would notice your depth and strength of heart. Compared to the hurried, stressed, and self-worth-obsessed demeanor of most women, the confidence of your vulnerable and yearning heart shows through the openness of your body, eyes, and smile. And so does your untamed, undomesticated, unafraid energy.

Your practice of heart-depth, love-offering, and exquisitely responsive energy is what attracts a deep man and inspires all beings to open in the trust of love.

Every moment that you breathe more shallowly than you would while you were deeply making love, you are actively training your body to feel less, your heart to open less, your love to flow less.
You doubt love, so you buffer your heart and harden your body. You can become afraid to leave the familiar lifestyle - and tension - that continually abuses your heart. You've grown used to some suffering, and you truly love your well appointed home, your friends, your cat, your garden. You chose to play the victim to less love than you know, deep down, you deserve.

Nobody can make you grow beyond your heart-protected independence until you are ready to trust love and yearn open without becoming entangled in the unending drama of aloneness and possible relationship. You can choose to surrender open as your heart's deepest yearning. You can breathe, speak, move, and live as love's yearning openness.

No matter how much masculine success or freedom you have achieved, if you have a feminine sexual essence, then your heart yearns to be claimed in two-bodied devotional trust, ravished and offered without hesitation.

Be careful that your love of politics or business isn't a disguised form of not trusting your man, or not trusting that a man can take your heart open to God. Be careful that your professional life is an expression of your deepest heart, not a substitute for being ravished so fully that every cell is entered and burst open in love's bliss.

When you are ready to surrender open and be claimed by love, you will attract and choose a man who can open you fully, a man who does demand your total surrender with the consistent force of his deep and loving presence.

No body or relationship lasts forever. Only your yearning - love's desire to open through you - is constant.