the power of the empty chair

In the last couple of weeks i heard of a psychodrama technique several times, and eventually managed to try it. I had an interesting experience, so I tend to talk about it basically to everyone. To spread the word, I decided to write about it also.

The technique is called the "empty chair", or at least the people I met with, referred to it like that. As i see, it is powerful in the process of letting go, whether it be after heartbreak, divorce or death of a beloved one.

It is really simple - ok, we learnt early on that the simplest things are the best and most effective. But still. 

Most people have unresolved issues with another person, whether it be parents, partners, children or colleagues. Of course i am not an exemption either. There are certain things that are deep inside me, and it would be best to share with a certain somebody, but for a reason or another i cannot. Or more precisely i don't want to share face to face. You may consider it a weakness. There might be fear involved in it, I accept. But i also note that there are certain thoughts and emotions that do not need to be shared with the other person. Those are all about myself, and i need to overcome those by myself, not necessarily involving the person those thoughts or emotions relate to. 

Well. Firstly, think of a person you would like to contact on an intimate level, but somehow it simply does not work - because of either parties, it doesn't really matter. You may have never expressed your anger towards your abusive mother, because it's something you cannot afford as you supposed to be a good girl, but it is still frustrating you after 20 years, and it's burning inside you, willing to exploit. So in your own sake, you should and now already want to express it. But on the other hand, you cannot talk with her, as your mother died long ago. Are you in the middle of divorce, and you simply cannot reach out to the person you shared your life with? He became deaf, and misunderstands every expression, and feels attacked by you even if you express your own feelings? 

Well, these are perfect situations when this technique can work. 

Setting is really basic. You take two chairs, in a distance that feels comfortable for you. You sit down in one of them. Opposite to you remains the empty chair. And you imagine the person you want to talk to, sitting in the other chair. You may ask a friend who reminds you of him on an energetic level, but it is not necessary. You may just keep this conversation for yourself, and you can talk to the empty chair.  

Your single task is to talk. As if the person would be sitting just opposite to you. You can tell anything that you want, anything that you cannot tell in person. You may start with your thoughts, and if you go into details you may reach the emotional level. If your tears start pouring, don't be surprised. Tell everything that is within you. If you feel there is nothing more, stay still in your place for a couple of minutes, there might be further thoughts coming. 

Once you finished, you may stand up and directly sit in the other chair, which was occupied by the imagined person, that you were talking to. And as if you were that person, start replying back to yourself. You may be surprised by the reply that is coming out of your own mouth. 

But even if you skip this part, your heart might feel released. 

Whenever you cannot really contact with your beloved ones, this technique might help you release your emotions, and maybe even understand the other person's perspective. Good luck with practicing.