Will return to myself

I did not write here for a long time but it does not mean that i have no ideas or something :P The camino is over, i got used to the crowed, and back to work. Already last week i felt as if i had been on the camino in an other life, the experiances seems so far away; however, the way i felt there is still here with me. I started to loose it, and it is again the office that takes happiness away from me. It is not true like this, but it takes a lot out of me, especially when we have long working hours like today.

For a long time i thought that it will have no effect on me but i had to realize yesterday that it is not like that. Before i was flying even in the work and everyone was jealous of me, but then something happened. But i will never loose it totally. I hope so. I dont wanna be like others who came back half year ago and lost all the joy of the camino.

I didnt have time to collect all the thoughts that i had on the camino, i started to collect my notes but didnt get to one third of it. But i can assure u that once i do it there will be lots of new posts on this blog :P

Back to myself? What does this really mean? On the camino i got really closed to the children who is living inside myself and that was so great and is so great even now because i didnt loose that connection and never want to. But the one who is still sitting in the office is me as well. But both the ego and the soul is suffering at times. This is me as well, who thinks rationally and sees the barriers; however, it is still good to think of something that might never become true. This is ego again. The children doesnt think of the future, like i do not think mostly. what matters is only the recent moment. Nothing else matters.

Enjoy the recent moment. Even if you know that others would think that you are stupid or crazy for running down the slope, singing while walking on the crowded street, making angels in the sand on the beach, riding an hour even after midnight just to get to a peaceful place on the riverside which provides perfect view of the stars and then ride back home an hour later and wake up the next morning early, etc.
That is who i am really, inside. And i do not care what other people think. Frankly talking, at times when the ego gets strong than i do. But that is me as well.

I do not know what i wanted to write about with 'will return to myself', maybe that i will leave this bad emotion. But that is sg that i have chosen as well and what i accept. For now. I will return to myself so that i will always be like that, always flying and smiling, no exceptions.