Actor's on the soul's stage - avagy kozmikus léprecsalás

There is a beautiful Hungarian expression, “kozmikus léprecsalás”, for which I didnt find a literal translation to English but would be closed to “cosmic fraud”, though it is not really bringing the real meaning. But I wanna talk about this cosmic energy that pulls people together for spiritual learning.

You may have experienced during your life that with certain people there is an unexplainable level of attraction that pulls you two together. Sometimes, as quickly as the attraction came, it also disappears, as if it were for the click of a switch. You may experience a strong infatuation that doesn’t die out until you merge completely, whether physically, emotionally or energetically. You are just drawn to that soul, as your souls planned on that encounter way before you got in physical proximity. You may experience numerous dejavus, feel as though you knew the person for long, as if for years, if not lifetimes. You share the deepest parts of your experience, your sorrow, your pain and your pleasure. And as the connection came, it disappears without any warning. Gone from a moment to the other, as if it had been a dream and not reality. Whereas it is totally real, and especially the learnings such an experience can bring will last with you forever.

I do believe that each and every encounter happens for a reason to teach you a specific lesson. There are times that this pull is extremely intense. There is a soul contract that plays out with the purpose to learn a lesson on a deep soul level for both involved. It is great if both people are aware and learn the lesson. But we cannot push the other person to see the lesson, we cannot teach them by explaining things or pushing them to learn along with us, they either face it or not. It is part of the free will for every human being to decide on their own experiences.

There is a divine play on the stage of our lives. People come and go. As the actors can be replaced. We tend to focus on the person in front of us, whereas what really matters is the lesson that our soul intended to learn through these encounters. If we focus on the inner meaning, instead of the outer circumstances, it is so much easier not to take things personally. To get out of the victim mentality. To surrender to the situations and go with the flow. That is an ultimate spiritual goal.

People come and go. One person leaves the stage to leave place for other people to get on stage. In order to focus on one person, we tend to be drawn to them with intense attraction. That’s the universe’s way to pull you in to teach you a lesson. Once the lesson is learned or you made a decision, the attraction evaporates, and you can let go of the connection completely.

Sometimes we might have imaginary pictures that go far beyond reality. And that’s to pull you to experience and learn. Through being emotionally touched, we can go deeper in our learning than we would without feelings being involved. People stay with you for different amount of time. It can be five minutes, five hours, five weeks, five years or five decades. It doesn’t really matter. What does matter, is the lesson. The actors are replaceable, nevertheless.

Everyone in the outer reality is just an actor to bring you experiences that contribute to the lesson your soul intended to learn in this lifetime. Whether you learn that lesson is up to you. Oftentimes we blame others for things they are doing to us. Whereas is was always us.

The actors could be blamed. But it is the soul who is directing their actions and words. Whatever we experience, it has been planned out by the soul, by our own soul. As such there is nothing we could blame anyone else for. It was always about us. Our choices. Our own journey. Our own learning. Others agreed to help our learning, in whichever way. Whether playing a nice role or an ugly one. They were just acting out the role we gave to them. Therefore, either blame or praise is not to be given to other people. They are only actors. As after a modern performance, it is the director who is getting the biggest applause.

This is really the way to claim back my life. No more victim mentality. I really own my own creation. I am the director of my life. And the actors might come and go. That is completely normal. Part of the game. And there is no blame.

When I feel free of attachments

When I feel free of attachments, I am flowing freely, I am in an intuitive state and allow to go with the flow. 

When I feel free of attachments, everything feels completely natural

When I feel free of attachments, there is no control

When I feel free of attachments, there is only love and there is no fear

When I feel free of attachments, I am truly connected to source

When I feel free of attachments, I am totally myself

When I feel free of attachments, I am not controlling, I am flowing

When I feel free of attachments, I am sunbathing all day, and not sweating in the mud

When I feel free of attachments, I am not growing like the flower and releasing my scent to whoever is walking around

When I feel free of attachments, I am dancing to the sound of the music, that I wouldn’t even hear when I am working hard to get things done

When I feel free of attachments, I am totally and utterly myself, from my core, and not identified with my ego

When I feel free of attachments, I connect to source and I am one with the undivided one

When I feel free of attachments, any action comes from an intuitive source and not from an stressful energy of force

When I feel free of attachments, I am dancing on the music of life, and I become the music at the same time

Let’s do a SWOT

As we are forced to stop, it is a perfect time to do some reflection. A perfect place to start is to do a SWOT analysis, whether it is about your own business, the organization you work for, or your personal life. You may take the opportunity to tap into reflection mode, focusing on how the current situation is affecting your situation, your vision and what you consider your mission.

Companies and organizations write their mission and vision statements, to motivate their employees, stating the direction that management would like to see the organization going. In Africa I saw these statements painted on schools and even small shops. It was truly inspiring to see.

And from time to time organizations perform a SWOT analysis, to reflect on strength that can be utilized for new opportunities, to see where weaknesses exist, and what are the threats affecting the reality of the organization.

I used to consider that these kind of statements and analysis is something that needs to be ticked and doesn’t have too much added value, something that just needs to be done. But it is truly useful to stop at certain times and revisit your own personal vision, as well as your personal strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats.

As the coronavirus forced so many of us in isolation, it also forced us to stop. We can no longer go on constantly acting from the masculine essence, as we are not allowed to leave the doors of our apartments, houses. We are forced to relax into the feminine essence. This is perfect opportunity to revisit where you are, what you want to achieve, how you wanna get there.

I would recommend you to review your situation, your life around the following questions:

What is your strength? What is it that you do very well, better than others? What is your advantage over others? What is it that you do better than others? What are your values? Be honest with yourself! And then think about your weaknesses. What are the weaknesses you tend to be blind to. What are you lacking? What are your opportunities? What openings are available for you for something positive to happen? What opportunities does it provide for you that you are currently forced to stay at home? What threats are around you? What is it that can negatively affect you that is completely outside of your control?

Once you have examined all four aspects of SWOT, you will likely be faced with a long list of potential actions to take. You may want to build on your strengths, boost your weaker areas, head off any threats, and exploit every opportunity. It may lead to revisiting your prior mission and vision statements.

When you take action after such detailed consideration, then it will be truly coming from your core, it will have power and not force, and will highly likely lead to better outcomes, then if you were simply responding to the situations.

Good luck with your reflections.

Manifesto to the Divine Masculine

Dear Divine Masculine, 

You should pull yourself together, as your Divine Feminine is stepping into her power. You are not allowed to mistreat her, or take her for granted anymore. She might have accepted scraps and crumbs of your attention, because she loved you, and bended over backwards for any little expression of love, care and connection. She used to be focused on her heart that whispered her about the deep soul connection between your souls. But now she sees that it is only a potential, and you have the free will to step into your power, or not. She made the commitment to herself and to the divine. She is rising up and above, and no longer accepts mistreatment. You are no longer on a pedestal in her eyes, she sees you as a mortal human being. She no longer puts you as first, before everything else. She loves herself first and foremost. And gives from her precious time and energy only to those who deserves it. She might love you and everyone else, but it is her duty to keep loving herself foremost. If you can meet her up on that level, great, if you cannot she will still love you, but from a distance. You need to step into your power too. And treat her the way she deserves to be treated, otherwise she fills her life with other people, who respect her and appreciate her power. If you do not meet up her on that level, you are totally disconnected and she will move on, not wait for you and keep her life on hold for you anymore. You may hurry up, or you may grief your loss. As she moves on, as she is stepping into her power. This is not only about personal needs, it is also about your divine mission. We need you to step up, or we move on. 

Divine Feminine

Face your fears

Fear might be devastating at times like this. 

Do you remember when you were a child, you were afraid about monsters appearing of your room at night? Now with adult head, you know that there is nothing to be afraid of in the darkness. But then it was a valid reality, and a devastating one. And your child might be afraid the same way. You wouldn't ridicule your child, to forget about his fear of darkness, and the monster appearing any moment. Neither would you force your child to face his deepest fear without any support. However, you may switch on the light, and make the child move step by step closer to the dark corner of the room, to realise that what he believed to be a monster, is but a small kitty. 

I invite you to face your fears. Let's take the torch and put on the light, targeted to where you heard the noise from. Let us see what is there in the corner. What are you afraid of? I can hear you responding "don't you know? Is it not obvious?" But no, it is not. Everyone has different fears, and have different conditioning, therefore we have different perception about situations. 

We tend to believe that there are limitless fears inside of us, and we tend to put them under the carpet. But I invite you to face your fears. Look them into the eye. When you start listing your fears, you may realize that there is but a definite number of fears. With time, they die out, and there is none more for you to list. 

When you go for a first date, you might think about the worst case scenario: he might be a serial killer. But most of us would have similarly ridiculous fears in our heads. Did it ever happen to you, that the guy you dated ended up being a serial killer? I believe not, otherwise you wouldn't be reading these lines. Our minds tend to run the worst case scenario as that's what fear shows. However, reality is always somewhere between best case ideal, and worst case fear. 

When you face your fears, you might see how ridiculous they can be. You might also realize it is not so devastating, and if the worst case happens, you might have escape routes ready, that would lead the outcome not as bad, as it might seem when you do not dare to look at your fear. 

Instead of allowing the devastating fears weighing you down, please face your fears. Some might be eliminated just by looking at it, some you might have the solution, for others you may wish to look for one. But only by looking your fear into the eye, can you face reality. 

Isolation is a perfect opportunity for self-reflection

People share different ideas about how to cope with lockdown and isolation. But it mostly focuses on exercises, things to learn, movies to watch. Basically ways to distract yourself, make your mind focus on something else, instead of accepting the situation and diving deep into it. That is only another way of filling up your mind with new things, instead of emptying it a bit. Running again, instead of stopping for a second. 

We have been living in a world of constant rush. You wake up for the alarm, rush with breakfast having a quick coffee, run to the office, quick chat with colleagues, then run for a meeting, from one meeting going to another, then take a quick lunch, but maybe have a working lunch or taking a bite at the computer to kill some emails that you couldn't attend to during the day, then continue with some more meetings, and work dinner, run home, take a quick bite, switch on the tv, have a quick shower and go to sleep. Just to continue running the next day the same way. Sounds familiar? Rush, rush, rush. Constantly on the go. No time to stop. And even when you stop, your mind is still on the go. It looks like never getting tired, always talking, always going. 

With being in lock-down, this constant rush is taken out of your reality. You are forced to stop. At least on the outside. You are not allowed to go out of your apartment. But did your mind stop? Or is it still on the go? Do you still have all the to-do-lists, schedules, fears that constantly occupy your mind? Maybe even during your sleep.  

You may use isolation to stop. Meditations are a great way to silence your mind. But when you are forced to stop, it is always a perfect opportunity to reflect. Take a closer look at where you are, what you do, what your choices were in life. I invite you to reflect about your life, your decisions in the past, where those lead you. Some reflection can lead to increased awareness of the self. One may also re-evaluate whether the decisions made years or decades ago are still valid, or some things should be changed. Are you aware of your values and principles? Were your decisions following those? 

Being in isolation, is a perfect time to stop and think about your life, your decisions. Self-reflection is such a powerful tool. You were forced to stop. Before we could move, look at your life, look at yourself. Reflect. See where you are. Only then will you be able to move on. And now you have all the time to look into yourself. Take it as a blessing in disguise, and use the opportunity for your benefit. 

Heaven or hell

Mother Nature is claiming her power everywhere. It seems to me as though the Earth would start to be divided into two different realities. Your reality was always derived from your perception, but with the recent events the difference is becoming more obvious. 

There are those who connect more to the One, experience and spread love to everyone around them. And those who are stressed and freaked out of all the events that are taking place in their closer or more distant surrounding. 

Heaven and hell... while experiencing the same situation outside of us... 

It is up to you, moment by moment, to make a decision whether you wanna experience heaven or hell. Whether you focus on love or you buy into fear. This decision makes all the difference. 

Are you joining heaven? Or you wanna go to hell?

Let us nurture love and connection

As more and more people buy into hysteria, it is becoming more and more crucial to focus our attention on love and connection. Let us all dedicate time various times during the day to focus on love, send gratitude for all the beautiful things we have, make sure you have more happy thoughts than shadowy ones. It is a time when we can decide our future. And not only as individuals, but as a community, and as a human race. We can open our growth to quantum leaps or we can nose-dive into the depth of hell.

Let us focus on love, and not the lack of it.

People gathering together meditating on love can reduce the criminality rate. If we meditate together on love with connecting to the divine we can do miracles. Let us create the new earth based on love and connection. Let us dedicate the coming weeks to send love and blessing to people we love and who are far from us, and those positive feeling return back to us multiplied.

It all starts within us. But as all is one, what we nurture inside of us, grows and reflects back to us from the outer world. What's within is without. 

You may do a small prayer by simply saying : "May he be loved, may he be blessed, may he be happy", it's based on teachings from the course in miracles. Whenever I say this prayer for my beloved, I feel loads of love, my heart is opening immediately, and I feel energised, inspired, totally fabulous, and completely happy. 

Let us nurture love and connection. And there will be more love on the face of earth as well. For everyone to grow and feel happy, be well. 

Welcome to the dawn of the new earth

I am currently in Indonesia, working from home as advised by my organisation. I am not worried about the situation, considering the virus and that affecting my health, whereas I see it clearly that the current events are changing our lives drastically. Governments request their citizens to return back home, hospitals are overwhelmed, currencies are devaluating, companies close down, and small business go bankrupt. And that is only the beginning. 

The optimistic ones talk about how lockdowns are leading towards the earth healing itself. Scientists and activists were urging for decades for reduction of transportation and pollution to mitigate the effects of climate change. Funnily, what we humans couldn't consciously decide for, now a virus is assisting to achieve. Even countries whose leaders claimed that climate change is not real, are now contributing to some positive factors towards the earth healing itself. In Jakarta you can see the blue sky, instead of biting the pollution on a Friday afternoon. 

I sense that the changes coming go way beyond the healing effects. Our lives will be changing completely after this. And not only because of the economic consequences of lockdowns and expected reduction of tourism in the coming years. It's more like the old way is destroyed to the very last bricks, the tower is thorn into pieces, and once the old is completely destroyed, we can build a new reality, that can be based on real human values. It will be such a blessing for the universe. 

It is already a blessing. In our small apartment community, people are already getting closer. Even last week I seldom saw people in the common places, neighbours would hardly greet each other, not to mention starting up a conversation. Then over the weekend the governor encouraged companies to introduce working-from-home policies in the capital, and those living in our apartment building, were put in self-quarantine. These measures were taken much later than in other locations, but already in few days, one may see the positive consequences. In this little place of an apartment building, communities are being built, even if small ones, but people are talking to each other already more than before. And this is only the start, it will only continue more. 

Communities might become the new norm. Instead of herd mentality, and everyone ensuring individual needs being met, we can see humanity showing its face. People already started caring for each other, and good fellowship might become the new norm. 

Instead of top-down approach, eventually we may see bottom-up initiatives, that would reflect more accurately the needs and realities of our society. Instead of following hierarchy, expertise might take over the lead. We need to respect authority and rules that make sense that you can identify with, instead of rebelling and looking for instant gratification, we might reach true freedom. Technology when used smartly, instead of distracting from reality, might be a medium to spread knowledge and bring people with common interest closer together. 

This is only the start. But it will be considered as the start of a new era. We are at the dawn of the new earth, a blessed new time... And it's freaking exciting to be part of such a historical event. To live this through. We are blessed to be living on earth in such a turning point. 

I am not saying it will be easy. It might be difficult. Our world is being destroyed, it's trembling down. And the more you can let go of the old paradigm and adapt to new realities, the more flexible you can be to accept new ways, the easier it will be for you to start the new day. 

We are entering a new era in the history of our times. We are reaching the dawn of the new earth. A blessed new time. It is unknown, it is something completely new waiting for us, and we cannot even comprehend now how new it is. But there is light. If we can rely on the divine, surrender and go with the flow, it will be only easier. 

Grace and grit

Few months ago I started to feel that the environment I work in became toxic. I started to suffer, no longer enjoyed working with my good colleagues, and I got easier annoyed by the bad ones. I felt as if a stone were on my breast, I could hardly breath, my smile disappeared. Waking up in the morning and just thinking that I need to go to the office simply made me sick. I could no longer enjoy the simple things in life as I used to do. I could hardly smile and my face was not radiating love as before. Something went wrong, it was clear. And I wanted to change. I wanted out.

They say that in tough situations you have two options: stay and fight, or leave.

I usually have no problems with fighting. When I see that there is meaning in it, when I can make a difference, I would face handling tough people. But after three years it was just enough. I just grew tired of it, and wanted to leave. Leave everything behind. And I thought, whatever comes, I will take it, it can be only better. So I started applying to different places. Basically I applied everywhere. I didn't care, just out of here.

It was then that I was sent to support the migration response activities in Greece. In the three weeks, I managed to visit the field and attended a distribution. Later a thought hit me. In Hungarian the word "migrant" is routed in the word 'escape'. What I saw was an outside reflection of my inner.

I was escaping myself, too. Completely different circumstances, but nothing much different.

Violence can take so many forms, from aggressive communication to bombing. From physical to different levels of emotional abuse. The better life the migrants are searching is a safe place, where they can live in peace, and can raise their children safely. For me it is a different position where I am exposed to challenge and am respected.

Psychologists consider that when you escape, you do not take responsibility for your life, for yourself. Of course you don't perceive it as an escape and would intellectualize it, but still it can be considered as a childish behaviour. You think it will be better elsewhere, but you may not even think about it consciously. You look at it from one perspective only. You do not analyse the situation from various viewpoints.

Before going forward I need to point out that I don't want to judge the migrants, I couldn't be further from that. They just provided me a learning about myself, about my own escaping.

I know that I acted like a child. I wanted to go to Geneva. I simply had an image in my head. An image where Geneva was Paradise itself. An image where if I get that position, if I get to work there, I will be happy and satisfied, will be surrounded by good friends. I saw only the positives, but didn't see any negatives, my eyes were blindfolded.

Thinking that there I will find a position that will give me the regular challenge that I need. I didn't even think about the fact that it is even more toxic environment than where I am seated in my regular position. We have at least operations, and a complex one that I longed for all these years. We have great colleagues, too, who know what they do. While over there everything is about politics - that I hate. I didn't even consider whether I would like the projects that I would be involved in. When I thought about it in more depth, I had to realise that the position itself couldn't be further from what I want and what I need. Writing policies is not my thing. I can do that, but I like to be exposed to ad hoc requests, doing financial analysis, providing advice. And I am not sure that I would like the environment, the people I work with.

And then the purple fog disappeared.

I know that I acted like a child. I didn't think about options, didn't look at the big picture. I didn't take responsibility, just wanted to take the easy way out. Escaping from situations that are challenging, instead of learning from those, is a childish behaviour. And I am most grateful for being sent here, having seen this, and the possibility to learn about myself before it was too late, before I made a huge mistake.

Grace and grit. You need grit to follow what you have in your head. But there are certain situations when the best decision is to give up pursuing a dream that is not your path any more. In such cases it is not a failure to turn 180 degrees.

Égjen el a fájdalom

Összedől az életem, mint egy ódon várrom
Fáj a szívtér, mintha égne. Csak azt várom
Hamuvá égjen belőle minden fájdalom

Nem segít a családom, nem állnak mellettem
Senki sincs most velem, mintha inkább ellenem
Már nincs hitem az életben, ahogy magamban sem

2015. aug. 4.

walking in the cemetery

Thinking of all the hundreds who have drawn to sea

In hope of a better life, but never to see

Death found thousands under ruins of their home

Our lives may crumble before the dawn

I am grateful, thinking of those poor ones

For having been at my mother's side,

holding her hands in mine

Caressing her face as she breathed the last

Certain things are parished at their bloom

Leaving nothing, but an uncurable wound

I pray for those souls who were alone

To arrive at your lap at dawn

26-Apr-2015

(After the tragic accidents in the Mediterranean that took hundreds of lives)

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A temetôben sétálva

Azokra a százakra gondolok, akik vizbe fúltak

Miközben egy szebb jövő reményében indultak útnak

Ezreket a saját házuk romjai alatt ért a halál

Bármelyik pillanatban ránk is ránk talál

Miközben ôrájuk gondolok, igazán hálával teli a szívem

Mert én édesanyám mellett lehettem

Fogtam a kezét, és simogattam az arcát

Mig lélegzett és utoljára zihált

Bizonyos virágok rügyként porlanak el

S nem hagynak mást, mint gyógyíthatatlan sebet

Most azon lelkekért imádkozom, akik egyedül haltak el

A világítótoronyhoz

Események vihara körülötted tombol szüntelen

Haragos hullámok kiabálnak melletted

A tenger ereje még el is nyelhet

Pillanatnyi nyugalmat nem nyerhetsz

Egyedül kell állnod a sarat

Hiába vársz segítő támaszt

Szokd meg, te mindig egymagad állasz

S inkább te vagy, ki másokat támogat

Soha nem találtál megértő társat

Mások nem érthetik meg szívbéli vágyad

Felesleges próbálkozás, hogy azt magyarázzad

Így a magány állandó osztályrészed marad

Úgy tűnhet, minden nehézség téged választ

Hurrikán után tornádó szele nyomaszt

Míg mások az öbölben lazsálnak

Te egyedül minden viharral szembeszállasz

Másoknak fényt, reményt és támogatást adsz

Ez a világítótorony magányos feladata

De a távolban hasonló fények sokasága

Tudd meg, nem vagy egyedül soha

2015. május 24.

Régi képek nyomán

Anyukámból nem maradt más, csak a fényképek
Melyekből néhanapján emléket merítek
Szeméből sugárzott az élet, s a gondoskodó szeretet
Mi idővel a teljes közönynek adott teret

Pedig ő mindig élvezte az életet
Utazni nagyon szeretett
Csak apa mellett ritkán tehette meg
Talán ezt a vágyát élem én meg

Akiről tudott, gondoskodott
S mindenkit meghallgatott
Erről nekem jó példát mutatott
Feleségnek valóvá tanított

Állta az elnyomást
Magára ki sohasem állt
Gyerekként térdepelt a kukoricán
Majd (mint generációjában oly sokan) elnyomott feleséggé vált

Ancikám a társaságot mindig szerette
Cukrászda, Vacsora, mindezt élvezte
De apa őt kalitkába verte
Féltékenysége sehová se engedte

Munkában és otthon nyomta az igát
Míg az egészsége meg nem adta magát
Majd cseléd sorban állta a sarat
Diplomásként súrolta a falat

Míg mi otthon voltunk, volt miért
Még látta az élet értelmét
Amint öcsémmel kirepültünk
Szemében a láng kihűlt
Szépen-lassan a nyoma is eltűnt

Régi képein mintha magam látnám
Lelkiekben is hasonlítok rá ám
Hasonló sors várhat rám
De a tanulságot inkább levonnám
Hogy egy szép, boldog élet várjon rám

2015. március 22.

the power of the empty chair

In the last couple of weeks i heard of a psychodrama technique several times, and eventually managed to try it. I had an interesting experience, so I tend to talk about it basically to everyone. To spread the word, I decided to write about it also.

The technique is called the "empty chair", or at least the people I met with, referred to it like that. As i see, it is powerful in the process of letting go, whether it be after heartbreak, divorce or death of a beloved one.

It is really simple - ok, we learnt early on that the simplest things are the best and most effective. But still. 

Most people have unresolved issues with another person, whether it be parents, partners, children or colleagues. Of course i am not an exemption either. There are certain things that are deep inside me, and it would be best to share with a certain somebody, but for a reason or another i cannot. Or more precisely i don't want to share face to face. You may consider it a weakness. There might be fear involved in it, I accept. But i also note that there are certain thoughts and emotions that do not need to be shared with the other person. Those are all about myself, and i need to overcome those by myself, not necessarily involving the person those thoughts or emotions relate to. 

Well. Firstly, think of a person you would like to contact on an intimate level, but somehow it simply does not work - because of either parties, it doesn't really matter. You may have never expressed your anger towards your abusive mother, because it's something you cannot afford as you supposed to be a good girl, but it is still frustrating you after 20 years, and it's burning inside you, willing to exploit. So in your own sake, you should and now already want to express it. But on the other hand, you cannot talk with her, as your mother died long ago. Are you in the middle of divorce, and you simply cannot reach out to the person you shared your life with? He became deaf, and misunderstands every expression, and feels attacked by you even if you express your own feelings? 

Well, these are perfect situations when this technique can work. 

Setting is really basic. You take two chairs, in a distance that feels comfortable for you. You sit down in one of them. Opposite to you remains the empty chair. And you imagine the person you want to talk to, sitting in the other chair. You may ask a friend who reminds you of him on an energetic level, but it is not necessary. You may just keep this conversation for yourself, and you can talk to the empty chair.  

Your single task is to talk. As if the person would be sitting just opposite to you. You can tell anything that you want, anything that you cannot tell in person. You may start with your thoughts, and if you go into details you may reach the emotional level. If your tears start pouring, don't be surprised. Tell everything that is within you. If you feel there is nothing more, stay still in your place for a couple of minutes, there might be further thoughts coming. 

Once you finished, you may stand up and directly sit in the other chair, which was occupied by the imagined person, that you were talking to. And as if you were that person, start replying back to yourself. You may be surprised by the reply that is coming out of your own mouth. 

But even if you skip this part, your heart might feel released. 

Whenever you cannot really contact with your beloved ones, this technique might help you release your emotions, and maybe even understand the other person's perspective. Good luck with practicing. 

Extracts from David Deida's Dear lover

Again some thoughts from David Deida. Read for women only.

Extracts from the book Dear lover - a woman's guide to men, sex, and love's deepest bliss

You are alive as love, and your entire body yearns to open as love. Your heart wants nothing more than to live open as love, to give yourself totally as love - and to be seen as the love that you are.
The secret to unfolding your heart's deepest bliss is to give and receive love fully, with or without a man.
And it is this disposition of openhearted radiance that will gift the world as well as attract and keep a man capable of actually meeting your heart's deepest desire.

You are love. Your love shines as light, so you want to be seen.

A man who could be fully present with you - a man whose consciousness was deep and clear because he was living his true purpose and his passionate heart was unencumbered by fear and ambiguity - such a man wants equally unambiguous surrender offered through your yearning body and heart. He wants your love offered as an open invitation with full energy through your entire body. Your man wants to see love shining in your face. You want your man to truly see you, deeply feel you and know you, utterly.

When a man feels you, he feels your shells. In your face, he sees the strain of long hours or years of holding your life together while your deepest heart would rather have surrendered open in ecstatic trust. In your gait, he feels the stress of un-offered bodily devotion, while your deep heart would rather have been a slave to love, commanded open by love's torrential flow, undulated by love's boundless pleasure. Around your heart, he senses the "do not trespass" warning, and so he holds himself back from entering your life deeply.

Few men are capable of entering a woman's heart and opening her body to God's bliss, but few women are capable of offering their heart and body to be claimed open in this way.

Fear - the refusal to open as love - is the only reason your sexual life and relationship are less than God-blissful.

Most men can't meet you fully. So, though your heart and body yearn to be ravished by real love, you bury your heart's longing under a life of busyness, family, friends, and distractions.
Just as you have chosen to guard your heart for fear of being hurt, the man you attract will have chosen to claim life more shallowly than his true depth.
Your relationship won't work because his freedom is false and your love is hidden; you are both afraid.
A commitment to love requires opening beyond these fears.
You can practice keeping your heart open for the sake of love's fullness, even when your man hurts you, even when you are alone, even when the pain and yearning in your heart feel overwhelming.
To live with an open heart and body moved by love is your only option if you want to fulfill your deepest desire - to receive and give love's most full bliss - with or without a man.

Love is the only way to live that won't leave your feminine heart feeling unseen, ungiven, empty, and wanting - no matter how successful your professional life may be.

When a man feels you, he no longer feels your deep gifts of love, but your shells. He feels your desire for independence and your desire to be wanted. He feels your push and your pull. He feels moments when your heart surrenders to be taken, and moments when your protection shields your heart from being hurt. He is probably as confused about his deepest purpose as you are about your deepest desire for love. SO, instead of persisting in committed loving, peeling away layer after layer of your resistance, lovingly claiming your true sexual essence so you can offer your open heart as a divine gift - instead, he casually enjoys what he can and moves on to a less complicated woman; you appear to be quite attached to your independence, anyway.

As successful as you may be in your life, you long to merge with a man who can take you open beyond your shells by his deep and authentic claim, his gentle but persistent command - the dangerous demand of a man who will not settle for anything less than your total heart-giving.

If you are offering your heart's deepest yearning, then you will attract and inspire a man's deepest presence, right now.

Even though your man may truly love you and want to spend his life with you, he can often find your emotional flow meaningless and taxing, since your ever-changing energy is so foreign to the freedom of release he seeks: the "final" or changeless consciousness and peace that feels most "home" to his masculine essence.
He may be afraid to commit to you because he fears losing "other options", even if he loves you. He may pull back after especially deep lovemaking because he is afraid of losing his freedom to the bond that deeper loving may imply to him.

Whether you are with a man or not, you can open and offer the attractive power of your feminine sexual energy from your deepest heart for the sake of all beings - and by doing so, you will attract a deep man into your life.
Offering your deepest yearning and love is an art that will attract and inspire your man's deepest presence, even when you feel tired or not in the mood.

You can live open as love's art, moving in every aspect of life as a reflection of the sacred. Offer your feminine sexual energy through your deepest heart's yearning. The radiance of your deep heart's yearning is the beacon that attracts men of integrity. Not your neediness. Not your independence.
Throughout your life, continue to intuit and offer your heart's deepest longing.

As much as you may genuinely enjoy guiding your own life professionally, artistically, or politically, your feminine essence yearns to surrender as all love rather than maintain control and make all the decisions spiritually and sexually.

Choosing and staying with a man is like choosing to get on a train. You will end up going where your man goes, spiritually and sexually, or you will have to get off his train.
You want a man who feels you, listens to you, considers everything you have said, and then claims you, taking you to where you couldn't tell him to take you, even if you tried. He takes your heart to new depths of adventure and openness, and he shows you new aspects of life.

You don't want a man who adapts his direction to where you say you want to go. What good is he then?

A deep man of integrity takes your heart into his heart as he navigates, fine-tuning his actions while feeling your heart's response, always valuing your feedback. But his navigation is not relinquished or weakened by your feedback or anyone's.

Practice feeling your heart and opening your body, breath, and emotions so that love can express through you, unimpeded by your accumulated shells of fear-imposed masculine self-control.

Love your shells when your fear clamps tight, and then express your deepest yearning to your man. If you want a man whose train you trust to take you where you want to go - and beyond - then you can inspire his train with your depth of love's yearning and fine-tune his direction with your heart's intuition and your fullest expression of love's spontaneously offered energy.
You will attract and keep a man who can maintain his integrity with the same consistency that you can offer your dance through love-softened shells without collapse or frustration. And this isn't easy, for either of you.
If you want a man who can offer his deepest consciousness and create a sacred relationship with you - perhaps while also providing security, family and vacations - then feel, trust, and offer your heart's deepest yearning. Then, your love's most divine longing and deepest wisdom will choose the man you truly value and inspire. Your relationship will reflect your heart's most sacred light.

With practice you can learn to offer your pleasure, pain, and emotions spontaneously and responsively as soon as they occur, letting go of them instantly, always with your heart open and connecting with your lover's heart, even as your pleasure, pain, and emotions flow.
You can learn to stay open while all of your emotions flow. Even when anger is flowing, you can learn to remain in eye contact with your lover.
All emotions can and do flow when your heart is open and connected with your lover's heart.
Express your deepest heart immediately and spontaneously through your open and relaxed body, before suppressing it and allowing a secondary emotion to build up inside.

Learn to trust and value your heart's deep sensitivity. Fully express to your man how you feel as your lives proceed together, moment by moment.

As you grow, you will find fewer men and women who understand you, and fewer potential lovers who you can trust fully.
Your deep heart yearns to be seen and known and loved so fully that your yearning unfolds wide as God and divine love opens boundlessly through you and the hearts of all beings.

At some point during your workday, you notice that you have become stressed. Your head is tight, your jaw tense, your breath shallow. You have spent the day making major decisions for your business, leading meetings, and catching up on your to-do list. Somewhere along the line, you lost connection with your heart. You began operating on automatic pilot as a masculine machine of purpose. You accomplished a lot, but your body and heart now feel tight and blocked.
You stand still for a moment and relax. Every few hours during the workday you do a similar exercise. Sometimes you open your heart and body more subtly during a meeting or while sitting in front of the computer. You know that however important your business is, if you lose touch with your heart's deepest yearning and your body's openness, then you are training your body to be unfeeling and tense. You are disconnecting from what is most important to you: love.
You know that success is only worth achieving if love also flows fully in your heart, your body, and your life.
Over time, you actually learn to breathe all beings in and out of your heart and dance love through your entire body during your day at work.
This process can take years to cultivate artfully, but soon you notice other people treating you differently. Men and women are very attracted to your openness and radiance, but also very respectful of your depth. As you value your own deepest heart's yearning and breathe the hearts of all others, you attract honor, respect, and even worship from everyone.

A 3rd stage man worships the depth of your devotional yearning and the fullness of your feminine love-light. He knows that all things, including your body and mind, are transient, passing, and brief. This entire world is always changing, and so he is rooted in deep consciousness, that which never changes.
He can feel if you are needy of men's attention. If you are playing games. If you are acting independent on the outside but full of lonely fear in your heart. His body may enjoy looking at yours and his mind may appreciate your intelligence, but that is not enough to move his heart in worship. His heart, his depth, his consciousness, worships feminine devotional openness - a woman who loves to be claimed by God's ravishment, a woman confident in her light's attractiveness, a woman who offers herself as a radian blessing through which consciousness can worship and be worshipped.

Are your body and mind transparent to your heart's radiance and devotional yearning, showering the room with your gifts of blessing? Or are you afraid, self-conscious, or so wounded and confused that you have lost touch to some degree with your own heart's deepest desire and gifts?

If you were single and available for a relationship, the 3rd stage men int eh restaurant would notice your depth and strength of heart. Compared to the hurried, stressed, and self-worth-obsessed demeanor of most women, the confidence of your vulnerable and yearning heart shows through the openness of your body, eyes, and smile. And so does your untamed, undomesticated, unafraid energy.

Your practice of heart-depth, love-offering, and exquisitely responsive energy is what attracts a deep man and inspires all beings to open in the trust of love.

Every moment that you breathe more shallowly than you would while you were deeply making love, you are actively training your body to feel less, your heart to open less, your love to flow less.
You doubt love, so you buffer your heart and harden your body. You can become afraid to leave the familiar lifestyle - and tension - that continually abuses your heart. You've grown used to some suffering, and you truly love your well appointed home, your friends, your cat, your garden. You chose to play the victim to less love than you know, deep down, you deserve.

Nobody can make you grow beyond your heart-protected independence until you are ready to trust love and yearn open without becoming entangled in the unending drama of aloneness and possible relationship. You can choose to surrender open as your heart's deepest yearning. You can breathe, speak, move, and live as love's yearning openness.

No matter how much masculine success or freedom you have achieved, if you have a feminine sexual essence, then your heart yearns to be claimed in two-bodied devotional trust, ravished and offered without hesitation.

Be careful that your love of politics or business isn't a disguised form of not trusting your man, or not trusting that a man can take your heart open to God. Be careful that your professional life is an expression of your deepest heart, not a substitute for being ravished so fully that every cell is entered and burst open in love's bliss.

When you are ready to surrender open and be claimed by love, you will attract and choose a man who can open you fully, a man who does demand your total surrender with the consistent force of his deep and loving presence.

No body or relationship lasts forever. Only your yearning - love's desire to open through you - is constant. 

on intimate communion

While preparing for my exams i read two david deida books. On one hand, his development theory was part of my studies, on the other hand i spent far more time with the development stages of relationships than that of the ego. I was obviously fascinated by deida's work. 

It all started the first time i heard his name and his theory. i need to admit i was tired, and tipsy, sitting in the classroom, lost my attention long ago - hearing Freud's psychosexual development theory the dozen's time after a long night coupled with a good quantity of drink, one might understand, i was lost. But there did it come. The lecturer started talking about the kind of intimacy i recently got a glimpse of, that deida researched and wrote several books about. i got wide awake, completely focused, although i am still curious where the source of energy might have been as i was on reserve battery. I knew that i want to learn more about this thing that deida calls intimate communion. 

I shared my fascination with a good friend of mine, who coincidentally, just ordered one of deida's books. the next day i followed her, and ordered some books written by david deida that seemed interesting to me. now i will share some of his thoughts as well as my own.

on the first page deida clearly states that his books are for men and women who enjoy tangled bodies, open hearts and enlightened minds. this is exactly what i am looking for. this book is clearly FOR ME!

Many of us have experienced "old-style" relationships based on roles of male control and female giving - even if not in our own lives, but in our parent's life we can see this relationship based on mutual dependency, when the man is dependent on the woman emotionally and sexually, while the woman is dependent on the material level.

Most of the people i know have found such relationships evil and wanted something different. Their willingness resulted in the complete opposite of dependence: complete independence - whether single or in a relationship. "Modern style" intimacies are based on independence and fairness. But these 50/50 relationships lack passion. It might feel like two buddies discussing, instead of passionately loving.

But these are not the only options! There is something beyond 50/50, what deida calls intimate communion. it can be experienced when two lovers surrender their boundaries and melt into a single body of passion, they are anything but "in control".

If you are willing to give your true gift and express your true desires, you can create perfect intimacy, moment by moment. This kind of intimacy is something you do, not something you have. It is an on-going practice of sexual union, emotional openness and spiritual trust. It is a practice of love. 

sometimes i feel lost

why are you so cruel to me?
you showed me real intimacy
but with a man who is out of my reach
romance is gone in less than six weeks

my friends planned to comfort me in my grief
with my soulmate i wanted to meet
and then you realize his dream
taking him away on the exact same week

why is it now?
why cant you wait?
you took my mother
and now even my soulmate

screw you!
why cant you be nice to me
once a little more delicacy
just a little bit of harmony

why you have to take him now? why cant you wait?
but thats what i ask with my selfish mind
i am happy for him with all my heart
he deserves it more than anyone i know

sometimes i feel lost

i am tired and i would give up

it would be easy but i still move on

i long to feel comforted and loved

i wanna surrender in a loving hug

9-Feb-2015

once you surrender

once you surrender
once you arrive in the present
love flows through you
then you become a means of life

when there is attachment
your head is full of thoughts
you are not even aware of what is happening in the moment
you own a living body but you are not living in it

it might be the simplest thing
though for many it's the hardest
to surrender to life
you need to give up all attachment

thoughts, patterns, ideas
creations of the past
your mind is full of dead thoughts
and that makes you dead too

once you surrender
you just started living
you flow with the current of life
and your life will unfold with ease and grace

9-Feb-2015

I am blessed for ever having met you

I am blessed since I met my soul mate
I don't cling to you, I let you fly
Our lives cross once in a while
And a thought of you makes me smile

You are a mirror, I see myself better through you
You are my diary, I open my soul to you solely
Although it takes long till I let anyone step in
Through you I am more completely me

You are always there to support me, when I need it most
You understand my feelings even without saying a word
Without seeing my face, or hearing my voice
You just know what is happening deep in my void

I am blessed for ever having met you
I cannot say enough: Thank you!

2-Feb-2015